“I could shove an ice pick in my eye
I could eat some fish from last July
But it wouldn’t be as awful as a summer in Ohio
Without cable, hot water, Vietnamese food, or you”
"A Summer in Ohio" on The Last Five Years cast album
This Time It All Started With…
a girl singing “Still Hurting” from “The Last Five Years” musical at one of our vocal concerts. As soon as she started singing the story, I immediately knew I had to watch the musical. And so I did.
Enter: my new obsession for the next 5 years or so (although I’m still obsessed and it’s been about 6 years…).
I won’t spoil the storyline for you, but the musical starts at the beginning of one person’s relationship and the end of another person’s relationship. It’s a musical full of beautiful characters, an amazing storyline and an even better score!
It’s very difficult for me to choose one specific song to write about.
I love “Still Hurting” and “See I’m Smiling” is even better!
But one of my favorites is “A Summer in Ohio”. This piece made me laugh. This piece made me want to sing along. This piece made me feel.
The song acts as a list of everything she has been doing in Ohio whilst staying there for work (she’s a musical theatre actress) as well as a list of all the horrible things she’d rather be doing instead of being in Ohio.
The list ranges from having a mansion on a hill to riding a carriage through Central park. From shoving an ice pick in her eye to being the British Queen.
But, instead she’s sharing a room with a former stripper and her snake, Wayne, and has no cable (a.k.a. DSTV), hot water or Vietnamese food! What a horrible time!
At least she doesn’t have an entire pandemic to worry about…
The song starts with a cute Ukelele intro and continues throughout the song, with a piano joining here and there.
Another interesting aspect of the song is that when you scroll down and read the lyrics, it reads as a letter!
So I dare you, dear reader: scroll down, read the letter, hear her story and enjoy!
(and don't feel embarrassed if you feel like you want to dance along)
To listen to this song, click here.
Lyrics
I could have a mansion on the hill
I could lease a villa in Seville
But it wouldn't be as nice as a summer in Ohio
With a gay midget named Karl, playing Tevye and Porgy
I could wander Paris after dark
Take a carriage ride through Central Park
But it wouldn't be as nice as a summer in Ohio
Where I'm sharing a room with a "former" stripper and her snake: Wayne
I could have a satchel full of dollar bills
Cures for all the nations ills
Pills to make a lion purr
I could be in line to be the British queen
Look like I was seventeen
Still I'm certain I'd prefer to be going slowly batty
Forty miles east of Cincinnati
I could shove an ice pick in my eye
I could eat some fish from last July
But it wouldn't be as awful as a summer in Ohio
Without cable, hot water, Vietnamese food, or you
I saw your book at a Border's in Kentucky
Under a sign that said "New and Recommended"
I stole a look at your picture on the inside sleeve and then I couldn't leave
Richard, who was with me, got uncharacteristically quiet
And he said, "All things considered, I guess you don't have to buy it"
So I smile like Mona Lisa, and I lay my Visa down
He wants me, he wants me, but he ain't gonna get me
I've found my guiding light, I tell the stars each night
Look at me, look at him
Son of a b**ch, I guess I'm doing something right
I finally got something right
No, it's not Nirvana, but it's on the way
I play "Anita" at the matinee
Then I'll get on my knees, and pray I can state in my next bio:
"I'm never gonna go back to Ohio!"
I could chew on tin foil for a spell
I could get a root can*l in hell
But it wouldn't be as swell as this summer is gonna be!
'Cause the torture is just exquisite, while I'm waiting for you to visit
So hurry up, schmuck, get unstuck and get on the scene
Love, The midget, the stripper, Wayne the snake, and Mrs. Jamie Wellerstein That's me!
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